growing up..

whoaa it's been a week since i've last wrote in this thing.

hmm what's new..

well the biggest change in the past week is that i turned

t w e n t y !

i think my 20th birthday was the best birthday i've had so far.

i basically celebrated my birthday for a full 24 hrs (if not a little more)

It started at 10pm on thursday and carried on until early saturday morning. 

thank you <3>

- those of you that texted/facebooked me birthday wishes!

- those of you who treated me to a birthday ______.

- those of you who surprised me and pitched in and helped with the cute decorations :)

- EVERYONE for making me feel special for a day haha

-------------

what an awkward age to be.. not yet a legal adult but no longer a "teenager". i definitely don't feel my age. It's scary to think that the decade ahead will probably bring changes that i can't even imagine right now. Who knows where i'll be and what i'll be doing in 5 or 10 years. i feel lost.. like i'm just  wasting my time in all my classes.. i'm not even sure what i'm working towards anymore. I've probably said this before.. but the world of art is so risky and complex. I'm starting to question if it'll all be worth it in the end.. I wish i had some time to figure things out, to figure myself out. What i really want to do right now is travel, to take a break from school. I want to get out of the states and explore. I want to be entirely submerged in a different culture or place.. even if it's something as familiar as taiwan. time is the problem. Michelle and i were having one of our long talks about life again and we realized how much things can change within a year. We used to be so carefree. I remember the summer after senior year, and freshman year in college. We all had so much time on our hands. We traveled the distance just to try out a new place to eat, went to the beach more than we ever studied, hung out all the time as if each day was a saturday, stayed up all night without worrying about the things to come the next day, went on spontaneous trips to LA, spent money as if bills did not exist, had a good balance of time with our families, friends, church and school... what happened to that? Within ONE year so many things have changed. Within a year we made new friends, got jobs, been meeting deadline after deadline at school, found ourselves trying to squeeze in time in our hectic schedules for family and friends, managed to find ourselves broke and sometimes even in debt a good handful of times, and on top of everything, we found ourselves so sleep deprived to even function correctly. If this is what it is to grow up.. i don't want to grow up anymore! blah