Things I am avoiding..

1. finishing character designs (game graphics in general)

2. painting/decorating john's skateboard

3. making a logo for aunt's restaurant

4. putting together the T-shirt design for VBS

5. cleaning my desk and drawers

procrastination always gets the best of me

how did i manage to score art projects over summer break too? -.-

R.I.P King of Pop

Just a thought

I had a random surge of eagerness to change my hairstyle today. It has been about a year since i've felt this way (which was August when i decided to dye my hair brown). Anyways, since i've already changed my hair color, i guess the next thing to do would be to cut it.. YIKES! i've always been scared of cutting my hair differently because i cant do anything about it if i hate it, the only thing i could do is suffer for a couple months until it grows out.. Soooo i thought of trimming my bangs to have them go straight across instead of to the side, and then i thought of cutting my hair super short. -sigh- if only i was brave enough..

i decided to bake today

Here's to 'Never Say Never'

I've always been scared of roller coasters. It's not the height or loops that scare me, it's the feeling i get in my stomach when dropping that i dread. A couple years ago, i went to Knott's and freaked myself out on a couple rides. I told myself that would be the last time i rode roller coasters like that but somehow, today, i found myself standing in lines for rides that i told myself i would never ride again -.- We started off on the wimpy rides like big foot rapids, pony express, jaguar, and even those little sombrero teacup rides haha i eventually started wanting to feel that dropping feeling in my stomach, after all i haven't been on a real coaster in a while. So i agreed to go on BoomerRang with them and i ended up sitting on the last cart. Oh my gahhh i was freaking out when we got to the top of the slope and i was facing straight down waiting for the fall. Surprisingly the ride wasn't as bad as i anticipated it to be and what was even more shocking is that i wanted to feel that drop feeling again. i know right.. WHAT ZE HECK?! i went from fearing and completely dreading that feeling to actually being curious and wanting to experience it again. It's kinda like ultraviolet bug zapper lights and mosquitos.. even though there are consequences they always seem to go back to it. I don't even know if that was a good analogy for what im describing.. lol ignore that.. As i was saying, there was something different about it this time. I felt so alive. (as cheesy and lame as that sounds) and the thrill of it was just so addicting =X I ended the night with 2 rounds of silver bullet and a big bowl of shaved ice. In conclusion, i learned that setting limits for what i can/can not do only makes me miss out on things, trying things out more than once is necessary, and loops and twists on coasters are way less scary than they appear to be :)

Chillin' like a Villian

Wow, it's been a whole week since i've written in here. I guess this week flew by pretty fast. It's kinda strange how i still feel productive even though i am jobless and not taking any classes. (oh yes if you did not know already, i wasn't able to add into any classes at Mt. Sac T_T) I am the ultimate summer bum and it feels so goooooood :) haha I do feel extremely guilty though because i'm not used to being free.. infact i always think im going to enter a stage of suffering soon just because i've been having it easy :P So what have i been doing lately you might ask? Hanging out with my friendsies, cleaning out my room, watching movies, working on the iphone game graphics, going to the gym occasionally, being my cousin's chauffeur, spending time with family, enjoying the house to myself, etc. It feels really nice not having a weekly set schedule. -sigh- if only life was always like this.. I better enjoy it while it lasts.

Progress

I'm not sure if i've mentioned my "side job" here before so incase i didn't.. Basically a game programer asked me if i was interested in making the graphics for an iphone game he had in mind. I told him i was interested so we started collaborating a round a month ago. The thing is... I actually wasn't really interested in the type of game he was making which was kind of like a "whack-a-mole" type of thing but with a hamster character instead. I was extremely unmotivated to work on it (cause i wasn't too thrilled about the game concept) which led to procrastination at it's worst =X So yesterday i emailed him and attached a few of my sketches in attempt to pitch a different game idea to him and it turns out.... he liked it! :) So now we are back to square one but this time i am much more excited to work on it! I can't exactly tell you the concept yet but i'll probably write about it in an entry sooner or later. Hopefully this all works out!

Side Note:

i've been wanting to make friendship bracelets since December and we finally got to make them today! Each of us chose a packet of charms and then we traded with each other so that our bracelets would all look different but they would all be similar. I chose this packet of key charms, michelle chose stars, and jennifer chose heart lockets. I really hope they're durable haha

Should i keep dying my hair brown?

or..

Should i go back to my natural hair color; black ?

i've been seriously debating about this for a while now.

i can't seem to decide.

'Hate' Is Such A Strong Word But 'Dislike' Sounds Too Prissy

I hate it when people are transparent.

I take that back.

I hate it when i can see what people are really thinking.

Wait, that's basically the same thing..

I hate it when people say what they don't mean.

ah, there we go..

I hate it when people do things just for the attention or reaction they're hoping for.

but then again, we all subconsciously do that from time to time.. It's so annoying though when you're on the other side of it!

I hate it when people victimize themselves.

There really is no point in feeling sorry for yourself or trying to make others feel sorry for you. It happened. It sucked. You learn. You move on forward.

I hate it when people float around in the river of denial and refuse to admit.

People are not as dumb as they sometimes appear to be.

I really hate that this post is so cynical.

I should really stop sleeping so late.

Our minds can be so deceiving..

A Taste of Freedom

So i've been back for almost a week now. I think the foreign idea of actually taking a break and enjoying myself is finally starting to set in. It feels nice to be able to sleep in and wake up having the luxury of just laying there and letting my mind wander to who knows where.. -sigh- Just when i thought i had my summer perfectly planned out, i feel as if a rug has been pulled out from underneath me. And for this i have no one to blame but me and my wishful thinking. My summer plans basically revolved around my working schedule (which would be MWF or M-W 8AM-5PM). Since the summer classes that i wanted to take conflicted with my work schedule i conveniently told myself that i would just focus on work and have fun on my days off. So even before i called in to let them know that i was thinking about coming back this summer to work, i totally disregarded all the summer session applications and notices; after-all, last summer the art director did say that i could come back anytime i was free to work again. so dumb of me to rely on that T_T I called in on Monday and john (Mr. art director man) said he'd have to call me back because he needed time to figure out where he could put me because all the desks were full. Nooooooo. He finally called me back today and said that there was no way they could make more desk room so even if he wanted me to come back, there was nothing he could do about it :[ Although i am disappointed in the fact that i am joblessness, with out a class to take, goal-less, basically a nasty summer bum.. i am not as worried or sad about it as i might sound :P I mean i guess it's for the better. I shouldn't get used to things like awesome summer internships just being basically handed to me. I need to work harder towards what i want so i don't take things for granted and i need to have back up plans because things don't always follow through like i imagine them to. So what now you might ask? Good question.

Home

It feels good to be back. Don't get me wrong, i loved my two week getaway but it feels nice to be back in california with the things i'm familiar with. I came back home to find new furniture! It turns out my mother went to an art/furniture auction. She bought a vanity with a matching chair, a cabinet thingy (i'm not quite sure what it's called) with a matching stool, and three cute, fat frogs for the patio. Apparently she wants to redecorate the house and rearrange some of the furniture. I was hoping she wouldn't say anything about my room but surprise, surprise.. she did -.- she expects me to clean it out this week to get rid of things i don't want anymore which i guess will be good for me and my closet sized room. Maybe i can clean out my room and convince my mom to buy a pretty vanity for me too haha

did i mention that i have the biggest/ugliest bug bite on my elbow? D:

it grosses me out when i feel it over my clothes or see it protruding from my arm

i thought i came out of taiwan victorious with ZERO mosquito bites

but i guess some jerk bit me on the last day T_T

i <3 Okinawa

So it's day 4 of my getaway. It feels like time stopped, like I'm in some sort of dream or something. There isn't a clock in our car or the lodge that we're staying at so i never know the actual time of day which feels kind of good i guess. So far, i really like Okinawa. The people here are so friendly and their stuff is so cool and cute. The weather here is actually pretty nice. It's not hot and humid at all! Everything just feels so chill and relaxed. And did i mention how delicious the food is? haha I'm probably getting fat from eating all the time.. but how could i resist? I think the only thing i miss so far is the sunshine in california. I miss the clear blue skies and perfect weather. Other than that, i'm happy here.

Vamoose

Today, technically in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, i will be leaving to go to Japan! I will be staying in Japan for one week and Taiwan for one week which brings me back Friday night, June 5th. I wish i could stay longer.. two weeks seems too short! Oh well, i'm just glad i even get to go. Earlier in the semester i told my mom i wanted to get out of the country this summer. Everything was planned kind of on a whim (which is probably why i'm only going to be gone for 2 weeks). I'm not exactly sure what i'm going to be doing over there. I haven't even started to pack! GAH! All i know is that my flight is at 1:15AM. I should start packing -.- Farewell cruel world! I finally get to escape..

Today I officially graduated from YBSJ training

H e l l o S u m m e r :)

i have officially survived sophomore year! Actually, i should wait for my grades to be processed before i proclaim anything like that.. Sophomore year has completely kicked my butt. I have never slacked off in school this much before -.- In a final attempt to raise my grades, i have been studying my butt off this entire week. I really hope i pass my political science class (i knew i should have taken better notes in that class). Anyways, there's no use in remorse at this point. All i can do is pray that my GPA doesn't suffer too much from my lack of effort this semester. I am determined to get myself back on track in the fall. On a brighter note, i haven't felt this free since January. I feel like i can finally breathe! Now all i have to worry about is packing up all my stuff to move out of the dorms. I don't even know where to start..

Just Keep Swimming

I'm pretty sure many of you have heard the saying "time stops for no one.." As i find myself in the midst of finals week, i find that notion oddly comforting. I know that phrase is usually used in a negative light but as of right now it only brings me pure hope. It's comforting to know that this week will eventually be over, whether i complete my finals or not. -sigh- Have you ever thought about what other people were doing while you were stressing over something? I do all the time. Whenever i'm working my butt off trying to meet a deadline for one of my art projects, i always think about all the people who are just chillin' in front of the television or having fun with friends while i'm slaving away and it makes me feel a little better. That probably sounded really weird and creepy... i'm not sure why that reassures me that everything will eventually be okay.. Why do i find happiness in the strangest things? Anyways, life goes on..

On a less disturbing note,

i managed to finish both of my final drawings today!

YUP, that's right.. i finished my Art final TWO DAYS EARLY :D

HOOORAAYYYY! i feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders!

Now, all i have to do is study for two more finals and then im d o n e

Seriously, studying seems like NOTHING compared to completing an art project

Silent Reverie

We spend all our time waiting for that second chance,

for a break that would make it okay.

There's always going to be some reason to feel not good enough..

and it's hard at the end of the day.

I wish to just fly away from here, from this cold dark town,

from all the vultures and thieves.

I'm so tired of this straight line and the endlessness that i fear.

The storm keeps twisting as i make up for all that i lack.

I need some distraction, a beautiful release

while the memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty and weightless

then maybe i'll find some peace.

Last Day of Instruction!!!

YAYYYYY!!! THIS IS THE DAY THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE 2ND SEMESTER BEGAN!!

i literally ate all day because we were having "end of the year parties" for all my classes. EVEN CARDIO! we ran to Yogurtland for our last cardio session haha i had the fullest day ever! i'm so ready for bed..

Today i ate..

- 3 slices of pizza

- 4 cubes of brownies

- a few bites of cupcake

- In n Out cheeseburger with fries

- a cup of watermelon

- a bottle of FUZE white tea

- some lemonade

- some fruit punch

- Yogurtland

- a bite of nachos

Why Can't There Be 30 Hours in Each Day?

I feel like i have absolutely NO time to do anything i want to do. I can't believe it is Sunday already. Seriously, where does the time go? I had a full day on Saturday from 9AM till NOW ( 2:40AM) i haven't even showered yet! Infact, i feel like i haven't even had the chance to just sit and chilllll outtt GAH! the worst part is, even though i had a full day i haven't had the chance to do ANYTHING on either of my to do lists! It's so frustrating because i have a whole list of things i WANT to do and NEED to do in my head and it looks as if i have NO TIME for anything that i want to do. All the stuff i did today was sadly, "obligation based".. although it shouldn't have been -.- i can't wait for this semester to be over so i can just completely throw my stresses of projects and grades out the window. At the same timeeeee there are so many things i feel like i want to do before May 22 (which is our last day of school) afterall, IM FLEEING THE COUNTRY THE NEXT DAY! I have a feeling this "last week of instruction" isn't going to be as easy as i was hoping for it to be..

Things i NEED to do before May 23rd:

- my in class drawing

- my final graphite drawing project

- come up with sketches for the iphone game

- write a testimony

- go through my closet for unwanted clothing to give to Bobbie and Emily

- catch up on a billion sketch book assignments that i've procrastinated on

- Pack up all my stuff to move out of the dorms

- Pack again to go Japan

- STUDYSTUDYSTUDY for finals

Things i WANT to do before May 23rd:

- hang out with a few individuals

- go to gethsemane at least 1 more time

- finish the book 90 minutes in heaven

- trim my bangs

- go shopping (just so i can take a breather)

- start VBS decorations

- come up with sketches for iphone game

- photo safari

Things that i <3 at the moment

1.) Poppies

there are so many pretty yellow, orange, and pink poppies around campus

2.) AMTV

it provides me with a random shuffle of music as i play "Draw My Thing"

3.) Hot Cheetos YUM!

4.) "Draw My Thing"

it has taken over my sleeping time

5.) Deli News Pizza in Long Beach

it's a cute family owned place that has medium pizzas for $4.99 with the best pizza dough everrrr!

6.) my AE flip flops

7.) 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper

i bought this during the book sale on campus

it's pretty interesting, not to mention a super easy read

8.) AMP Radio

a great alternative to KIIS we like to overplay songs FM

9.) Anthropologie

We made a trip to fashion island on monday and i was reminded why i try to stay out of that store!.. everything is so cute and EXPENSIVE :(

10.) My 3B pencil

it's hard enough to not make me feel like I'm shading, and soft enough to erase without leaving dents in my paper